he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
