A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
