Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
