pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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