Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
