Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
