the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am one with the molecules
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
