i think my mom watched the whole time
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
