i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
