if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
