Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
