I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
