oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
