Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That's intense
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
