I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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