I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
