It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
