Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
