happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
