she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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