Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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