I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
