Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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