Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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