4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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