We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We smell like vodka and hangover
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