I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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