In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
