i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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