4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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