Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
