The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
