My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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