Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
