Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i out mim tonsoeep
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
