She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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