she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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