guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
