Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
