I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
