He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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