Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
