im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I didn't notice because vodka
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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