Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
