sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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