Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
