remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
