i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
