my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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