y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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