shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
